Everything went better than I had planned.

Everything was perfect because it was real, and he was there.

Two weeks passed in a blur, one bubble of small happiness melting into another. And he was in every picture, holding me close like I mattered the world to him.

He was there. Hugging me in his sleep, talking to me like I was a child when I was sleepy, changing my clothes for me, kissing me good morning and good night.

He was there, holding my hand, my waist. Hugging and kissing, and more, whenever he has the chance.

He was there. Me sitting at the back as he cycled. Eating together. Him carrying me as he swam-walked in the seawaters.

There were quarrels and fights, but he was there.

There were tears,.but he was there.

He was there. Inside my life.

Not through Skype or Whatsapp or Viber, but warm and alive, holding me.

For two weeks, he was there.

How long will I get used to living without his warmth?

And the fights would lengthen and multiply again, because he is no longer by my side.

I was happier than I had been for a very long time, that two weeks.

And I know that I will not feel that happiness, for a very, very, very long time to come.

Laogong, I love you.

I miss you.

posted from Bloggeroid

我到底为什么早起啊我。

posted from Bloggeroid

插在心上的一根刺
痛的是谁。

posted from Bloggeroid

不好。

我过得不好。

是不是感情都这样，明明感觉放弃了许多，可换来的却很少。

不管怎么付出，就算我为了这段感情拒绝别人多少次，心甘情愿把自己绑得多紧，不够，永远都不够，总是还有更多，更多不行不可以不准不许。

这是不是一种心理上的缺憾，是不是我永远都学不会好好爱一个人，是不是我永远都无法让最重要的人觉得满意，永远学不会给他最大的快乐和满足。

对不起啊，懦弱如我，真的尽力了，精疲力尽了。

可不可以这样就够了，可不可以不要失望，可不可以不要冷漠地说习惯。

posted from Bloggeroid

睡吧
别再想了
分开是必然的
没有谁舍不得你
就别独自落泪独自难过吧。

posted from Bloggeroid

爱你，就不该要求你为我牺牲。

去吧，我会好好的。

posted from Bloggeroid

两年

是多么漫长的惩罚啊。

posted from Bloggeroid

争吵以后还是想要爱你的冲动。

posted from Bloggeroid

莫名其妙。

posted from Bloggeroid

The only, most important thing I truly want to do for you, is too make you the happiest person ever, everyday of your life.

But it feels like the one thing I can never achieve.

posted from Bloggeroid

原来分隔两地，要你开心我也开心，竟然是这么不容易的事情。

posted from Bloggeroid

等你心情好了，看我怎么收拾你!!!!!!!!

你最好先屁颠屁颠地来请罪...不然小心我一时冲动阉了你==

.......tmd太委屈了，泪奔



傻瓜，好久没这么叫你了，你个缺心眼的大概也忘了这个名字了吧。

看你难过，我还是很揪心的，自动送上门当免费炮灰，绝对环保健康，抗冷抗压，使用次数不限，无副作用。

傻瓜，别不开心啊，不然我这冰冻炮灰就没有存在必要了。

posted from Bloggeroid

It freaking hurts to be left behind, again and again.

But I really don't want to cry.

posted from Bloggeroid

自私的是你还是我?

你自私地走了

我自私地希望你为我停留

我是跟不上你的脚步，还是惰性太强无法横冲直撞?

我又怎么忍心成为你的包袱，让你背着我跑?

突然，未来一切都不确定了。

我会走到哪里，你又可以陪我走到哪里。

posted from Bloggeroid

也许，拥有了就会害怕失去，是必然的。

害怕那段夜夜流泪的日子，害怕在每一天每件事每首歌都找到你的影子，却找不到你的时光，害怕独自想念怀念挂念的心酸。

不想失去啊，好不容易才握住的手，如果放开了，我又何去何从。

整个人像漂浮着，没有重心，淹没在回忆里，找不到方向，找不到未来。

他若无其事地活着，笑着闹着走着跑着玩着，我看着想着难以置信着，冰冷得蚀骨。

不想。

不想失去。

posted from Bloggeroid

早上，闹钟响了。

她起身，叫醒身边的他。

他洗澡刷牙，她躺床上等他。

他从浴室出来，发现她又睡着了。

在她眉心落下一吻，他叫醒她。

早餐可能是简单的自制土司和豆奶，或者饼干和美禄。

有时他和她醒得早，会手牵手到附近茶餐厅吃面。

早餐后，他去上课，她也去上课。

傍晚，他回家，她也回家。

她扫地，他洗衣。他上网，她靠在他身边看书。

衣服晾干了，她折好，他陪她说话。

有时他累了，她帮他按摩。有时她累了，他帮她按摩。

然后手牵手去吃晚餐，可能看一场电影，可能在热闹的街上散步，可能一起坐在某家咖啡厅最安静的角落，他做功课，她也做功课。

他送她回家，然后到健身房健身，她在两人的床上听着耳机，抬腿瘦身。

他回家，拉着她一起洗澡，闹了很久，才抱着脸色潮红的她回床上睡觉。

她窝在他的臂弯里，他搂着她的腰。

她亲了亲他脸颊，在他的呼吸声中沉沉睡去。

世界很大，可是有时候，一个人的世界可能只是另一个人的臂弯。

心很大，可以关心很多人很多事，可是有时候，一颗心只愿意容纳那一个人的感情。

不是怕吵架，而是怕吵着吵着，就散了。

不是介意你推开我，而是怕你推着推着就习惯了，我也终究会失去不断把自己放在你手中相信这次不会被抛开的冲动。

posted from Bloggeroid

How to not step back

How to not hide

How to take a step forward

And pretend everything's alright?

My cheeks are wet

But my eyes feel dry

It's killing me

So why am I still alive

I thought this was it

I thought I had finally gotten things right

I was ready to be brave

Even if I was the coward the I was

Why

Why

Why did it all go away

When is my strength gone

How to step forward

When you're stepping back

So fast I can't reach you at all

How to not step back

When even if I step forward

I'm still all alone

I'm a coward

I know.

posted from Bloggeroid

Withdrawal.

A coward's escape.

posted from Bloggeroid

Sand in your hands
The harder you try to hold on
The faster it slips through your finger.

Am I the sand or the hand?

posted from Bloggeroid

I won't be that girl again. I just won't.

Forever hoping, forever waiting, a life centered on one sole person, always overthinking, always second guessing.

You said that is not what you want.

Well, I hate it even more than you do, cause it's in myself I sense the shame and stupidity from the girl I used to be.

I will do anything to not be that person again, ever. Anything.

posted from Bloggeroid