Everything went better than I had planned.

Everything was perfect because it was real, and he was there.

Two weeks passed in a blur, one bubble of small happiness melting into another. And he was in every picture, holding me close like I mattered the world to him.

He was there. Hugging me in his sleep, talking to me like I was a child when I was sleepy, changing my clothes for me, kissing me good morning and good night.

He was there, holding my hand, my waist. Hugging and kissing, and more, whenever he has the chance.

He was there. Me sitting at the back as he cycled. Eating together. Him carrying me as he swam-walked in the seawaters.

There were quarrels and fights, but he was there.

There were tears,.but he was there.

He was there. Inside my life.

Not through Skype or Whatsapp or Viber, but warm and alive, holding me.

For two weeks, he was there.

How long will I get used to living without his warmth?

And the fights would lengthen and multiply again, because he is no longer by my side.

I was happier than I had been for a very long time, that two weeks.

And I know that I will not feel that happiness, for a very, very, very long time to come.

Laogong, I love you.

I miss you.

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我到底为什么早起啊我。

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插在心上的一根刺
痛的是谁。

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不好。

我过得不好。

是不是感情都这样，明明感觉放弃了许多，可换来的却很少。

不管怎么付出，就算我为了这段感情拒绝别人多少次，心甘情愿把自己绑得多紧，不够，永远都不够，总是还有更多，更多不行不可以不准不许。

这是不是一种心理上的缺憾，是不是我永远都学不会好好爱一个人，是不是我永远都无法让最重要的人觉得满意，永远学不会给他最大的快乐和满足。

对不起啊，懦弱如我，真的尽力了，精疲力尽了。

可不可以这样就够了，可不可以不要失望，可不可以不要冷漠地说习惯。

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睡吧
别再想了
分开是必然的
没有谁舍不得你
就别独自落泪独自难过吧。

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爱你，就不该要求你为我牺牲。

去吧，我会好好的。

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两年

是多么漫长的惩罚啊。

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